Monday 11th May 2020
It’s amazing how people react to situations.
On a daily basis, through our work, we see that the feeling of being out of control of a situation can have some powerful effects on one’s behaviour. Those we work with that can’t control the sensory overload of a classroom or the lobby of a modern office building; those that are not able to predict the illogical social behaviour of others, and spend exhausting hours trying to apply a systematic approach to reach an understanding on the rules of banter, social etiquette and office parties, only to be bitterly disappointed ad confused when this logic only throws up further questions.
When the world around you doesn’t make sense, we try to control what we can.
It’s the sense of control (rather than control itself) that we seek. The feeling of being able to predict an outcome in a world we don’t understand.
Both personally and professionally I’ve seen individuals become overwhelmed by a major (or in fact, a relatively minor) change to their daily lives or a series of events that leaves them searching for a foothold back to safety. The feeling that the rocks are crumbling as you climb or the exhilarating waves have become far more boisterous in their interaction than is comfortable.
A rising sense of panic, if you will. A sense of a lack of control.
At this time I find I am noticing it even more in myself and others around me. When we feel unable to control our lives, plan for future events, meetings, business opportunities or holidays, we try to hold on to something else.
We stockpile, we clean, or bake or seek ‘facts’ that will somehow enlighten us and offer us the comfort that through knowledge, we have a handle on the situation, and if we impart this vital ‘knowledge’ to others, we are playing our part in saving the world.
We quarantine our post, send useful articles to those we feel will benefit from someone else’s wisdom and decide that the guidelines on an hour exercise will put us at more risk than we are happy with, so instead choose to remain in the sanctuary of our homes.
We look for new routines and rituals; we replace our morning routines of shower, breakfast, exit house – the confirmation we needed that we have purpose in our lives – with walks, exercise regimes, home school activities, attempting chores that we never expected to get round to and virtual chats that temporarily placate our longing for social contact, but in truth leave us craving the real thing.
Or we shut down and shut it out. We stay under the duvet, enjoy the familiarity of screens displaying the lives of others and feel the jerk of jealousy that the characters in our box sets are able to continue their existence in a world that is becoming unfamiliar to us; coffee at a pavement café, with the pleasure of company and crowds and the use of door handles minus the impulsive twinge of concern.
Our favourite characters can board public transport without fear or apprehension, celebrate birthdays with others and share exhausting hours in their gym classes aware that their sweaty exterior is accompanied by the sense of pride and smugness that comes with the exertion of yourself for human improvement. Not the now common sense of social disgust that this toxic moisture could endanger lives as it flies around haphazardly. Out of control.
So, how do we get that control back? Is there a way? Is it about isolating or overloading on virtual communication? Cleaning or relaxing?
Is there a pursuit that can help us or is there a consistent element across all of these activities that we embark on.
My opinion? We choose. This is what provides us with a sense of control.
Choice.
It matters less about the activity and more about the feeling that we have being in control of something. Having the final say in what we do or how we do it can be the difference between that feeling of being unstable and that of standing on solid ground.
For some, choices are more limited than others – both currently and prior to this situation. Not everyone has access to a personal vehicle, a private garden or a job they can continue from the safety of their home.
For neurodivergents, their choices may have been limited in other ways in ‘before-lockdown life’; not having access to a work or school environment that was conducive to their sensory ‘super’ experiences; not being able to choose to communicate in their preferred method, or being forced into social situations that they found overwhelming or pointless.
Most importantly, being restricted to completing tasks through a process that doesn’t suit their style, or being expected to communicate to a high level without training or support can seriously hamper creativity and productivity and does nothing for self esteem.
So, choice – a luxury restricted to some but necessary for all?
To ensure the element of choice is part of our culture, moving forward, we should consider how we can adapt to suit individual needs.
If small changes to our current situation give us enough of a sense of control to manage, to be ok, and in some cases, to thrive, let’s apply this concept to education and the workplace – for all stakeholders.
There are many ways this can happen, and for each individual; regardless of age, there will be changes that can be made that will benefit them. Yes, WFH (working from home) suits some and is a start, but there’s so much more that can be done.
How to make sure our environment and culture can cater for everyone then? How can we make small changes now that will make sure we are more accessible from now on – for our employees, our clients, our children and our families.
A suggestion – ask these two questions:
- Does this way suit you?
- Are there any changes we can make that will make it easier for you to learn/ work?
The answers, if we listen carefully enough, could lead to more accessible environments where a culture of choice empowers productive, creative people to reach their potential.
